I have spent years and years racking my brain to understand why certain people in my life have treated me so badly. It all became very clear a few months ago when I was talking out loud and said, “I just don’t understand what I have done to warrant this kind treatment. The punishment doesn’t fit the crime.”

My husband, who I thought was nose deep into one of his Archie Double Digest comic books, looked up over his glasses and said, “It’s not what you’ve done, it’s what you know.”

I asked him to explain and he said, “With all of my years of being a cop in the military, 90% of the investigations I have been involved with focus on what people know not exactly what they have done.”  I sat quiet for a moment thinking about what he said. Then I thought of the thousands and thousands of dollars I spent on counseling trying to answer this simple question that was casually solved on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

He went on to say, “After reviewing your documentation, witness statements, pictures and the proof you have against these people, they are intimidated and defensive that you have the ability to reveal their truths. They want you as far away from them as possible. They also know you’re married to a cop and that alone may scare them.”

There it was. He was spot on! Everything started to come into focus now. I felt this unbelievable power of no longer feeling unworthy. When you’re able to connect the dots and make sense of something that has literally bothered your soul for as long as you can remember, you can’t help but to feel empowered. I felt stronger and more confidant than I have ever felt.

I looked at him and asked, “Do I call them up and say this? Do I send an e-mail?” He smiled and said, “You can do whatever you want, but I will say this… once they hear from you, they will feel threatened. Once they feel like they are losing control they will either threaten you or attempt to file a restraining order against you.” I laughed and said, “No way. That would never happen!”

A few weeks after I had shared my thoughts on the situation and that I was no longer going to be involved with the drama, I received a text message threatening me with a restraining order. My husband…was right…again.

So, if you’re in a place where your punishment doesn’t fit the crime, maybe it’s not what you’ve done, but what you know!